Feeling Lost Does Not Always Mean You Are Failing

There is a dangerous assumption that by a certain age, you should know exactly who you are, what career you want, where you want to live, who you want to marry and what your life will look like.

Real life rarely follows that sequence.

Research on emerging adulthood identifies identity exploration as one of its defining features. Young people are often deciding what they want from work, relationships, education and independence while simultaneously experiencing major changes in those areas. (American Psychological Association)

That means uncertainty is not automatically evidence of failure.

Sometimes uncertainty is information.

You may be discovering that the career you chose does not fit you.

You may be realising that the values you inherited do not fully reflect your own.

You may be learning what kind of relationships you want.

You may be discovering that the life you thought you wanted was largely shaped by other people’s expectations.

That process can be uncomfortable.

But it can also be necessary.

The Twenties Are Full of Important Decisions

The difficulty is that exploration happens while the consequences of decisions become more serious.

You are expected to make choices about:

• education
• employment
• relationships
• money
• location
• family
• identity
• purpose
• health
• career direction

And many of these decisions influence one another.

A poorly paid job affects where you can live.

Where you live affects your relationships and social network.

Financial pressure can influence whether you return to school.

Career decisions can affect when you feel ready to start a family.

This creates a complicated transition.

You are not making one decision.

You are building several parts of your life at the same time.

The Economic Reality Cannot Be Ignored

It would be unfair to tell young people that their confusion is purely psychological.

The labour market matters.

The International Labour Organization estimates that about 67 million young people were unemployed globally in 2025, while around 20% of young people were not in employment, education or training. Young women were about twice as likely as young men to be in NEET status. (International Labour Organization)

And having a job does not automatically mean having security.

The ILO reports that young people in many countries continue to face insecure employment, educational mismatch and limited financial independence. Its 2024 youth employment report also found that two-thirds of young people globally expressed concern about losing their jobs. (International Labour Organization)

So when a 25-year-old says:

“I do not know where my life is going,”

we should not immediately respond:

“Just find your passion.”

Sometimes the person is trying to build a future inside an economy that makes stability difficult.

That distinction matters.

Education Does Not Automatically Produce Direction

For decades, education was presented as one of the clearest routes into adulthood.

Study.

Graduate.

Get a good job.

Build a career.

Become financially independent.

The reality is more complicated.

The ILO reports that educational mismatch remains a significant problem, with many young workers holding qualifications that do not align well with the jobs they perform. (International Labour Organization)

This creates a difficult psychological experience.

You can do everything you were told to do and still feel uncertain.

You can graduate and still not know what you are good at.

You can get the degree and still struggle to find meaningful work.

You can get the job and still wonder whether you are building the right career.

That does not mean education failed.

It means education and career direction are not the same thing.

The Problem With the “Perfect Career” Idea

Many young people approach career decisions as if there is one correct answer.

They ask:

“What career should I choose?”

But a better question may be:

“What kind of problems do I want to become capable of solving?”

Careers are becoming increasingly dynamic.

Skills change.

Industries change.

Technology changes.

People change.

Your interests can change.

A decision you make at 21 does not need to determine your entire professional life.

The pressure to find the perfect career can actually make young people afraid to experiment.

They would rather remain stuck than make the wrong choice.

But you often learn what fits you through experience, not speculation.

Social Media Has Turned Comparison Into a Full-Time Activity

There was a time when you compared yourself mostly with people you knew.

Now you can compare yourself with thousands of people before breakfast.

Someone is travelling.

Someone is getting married.

Someone is launching a company.

Someone is earning in dollars.

Someone is buying property.

Someone is studying abroad.

Someone is becoming a public speaker.

Someone is posting their “five-year journey”.

The problem is not simply that social media exists.

The problem is that it compresses thousands of different life trajectories into one screen and makes them appear like a single race.

WHO Europe notes that digital environments can influence young people’s mental health in both positive and negative ways. It also warns that vulnerable young people can experience disproportionate negative effects. (World Health Organization)

Comparison can therefore distort your perception of time.

You begin to think:

“I am behind.”

But behind whom?

And according to whose timeline?

We Need to Stop Treating Age as a Deadline

Twenty-two.

Twenty-five.

Twenty-eight.

Thirty.

People often attach invisible deadlines to these ages.

By 25, you should have a career.

By 27, you should be financially stable.

By 30, you should be married.

By 30, you should own property.

By 30, you should know exactly what you are doing.

These expectations are not universal truths.

They are social constructions.

Even the markers of adulthood have changed considerably across generations.

For example, Pew Research Center found that young adults in the United States today reach major economic and family milestones differently from young adults 30 years ago. Educational attainment has increased, while marriage, parenthood and independent living have shifted later. (Pew Research Center)

This does not mean everyone should delay everything.

It means we should stop pretending there is one universal timetable.

But There Is a Danger in Romanticising Being Lost

This is where the conversation needs balance.

Saying “everyone is figuring it out” can become an excuse for avoiding responsibility.

Uncertainty is normal.

Permanent indecision is not necessarily healthy.

Exploration is valuable.

But eventually, exploration needs to produce movement.

You do not need to know exactly what you want at 23.

But you should be learning.

You should be testing things.

You should be developing skills.

You should be meeting people.

You should be gaining experience.

You should be becoming more financially responsible.

You should be learning what works for you and what does not.

Being lost should be a temporary condition, not an identity.

The Real Problem May Be Lack of Direction, Not Lack of Purpose

Purpose is often presented as something you suddenly discover.

You wake up one morning and realise:

“This is what I was born to do.”

Life rarely works that neatly.

Purpose can develop through responsibility.

Through work.

Through relationships.

Through service.

Through problems you repeatedly find yourself interested in solving.

Through skills you become good at.

Through communities you care about.

Through experiences that change your understanding of the world.

You do not necessarily need to discover your purpose before you start moving.

Sometimes movement creates clarity.

Stop Waiting for Certainty Before Taking Action

This may be one of the biggest traps of the twenties.

You want certainty before you act.

You want to know:

Will this career work?

Will this business succeed?

Will I enjoy this field?

Will this relationship last?

Will this degree be useful?

Will I regret moving?

Nobody can answer all of these questions in advance.

A better approach is to make reversible decisions where possible.

Take the internship.

Volunteer.

Build the small project.

Talk to someone in the field.

Take the course.

Try the business idea at a small scale.

Attend the conference.

Apply for the opportunity.

Learn.

Then reassess.

You do not need a ten-year plan to take a meaningful next step.

Build Evidence About Yourself

If you do not know what you want, stop asking only:

“What do I feel passionate about?”

Start collecting evidence.

What activities make you lose track of time?

What problems do people repeatedly ask you to solve?

What kind of work gives you satisfaction?

What type of environment brings out your best performance?

What responsibilities do you naturally take seriously?

What skills are you developing faster than others?

What problems in society repeatedly bother you?

What kind of people do you enjoy working with?

What have your past experiences taught you?

Your twenties can become a period of experimentation.

Not random experimentation.

Structured experimentation.

Try.

Observe.

Reflect.

Adjust.

Try again.

That is how direction develops.

You Also Need a Financial Strategy

It is difficult to feel purposeful when every month is a financial emergency.

This is why career development cannot be separated from financial literacy.

A young person needs to think about:

Income.

Expenses.

Savings.

Debt.

Skills.

Employability.

Multiple income possibilities where appropriate.

Long-term financial goals.

The objective is not to become wealthy immediately.

It is to gradually increase your ability to make decisions without being controlled entirely by financial emergencies.

Financial stability can create room for better career decisions.

Your Circle Can Either Clarify You or Confuse You

The people around you influence your understanding of what is normal.

If everyone around you believes success means money, you may begin measuring yourself by income.

If everyone values titles, you may chase positions.

If everyone believes marriage is the ultimate milestone, you may feel behind when you are single.

If everyone believes entrepreneurship is superior to employment, you may feel inadequate for wanting a job.

Your community matters.

Choose people who allow you to think.

You need friends who can challenge your assumptions without making you feel inadequate.

You need mentors who can provide perspective.

You need people who have taken different paths.

A narrow social environment can produce a narrow definition of success.

The Twenties Are Not Only About Building a Career

This is another mistake.

Young people sometimes focus so intensely on becoming successful that they neglect becoming healthy human beings.

Your twenties are also a time to learn:

How to maintain relationships.

How to communicate.

How to manage conflict.

How to handle money.

How to take responsibility.

How to care for your body.

How to recover from failure.

How to set boundaries.

How to ask for help.

How to make decisions.

How to live with uncertainty.

These are not secondary skills.

They shape the person who will eventually carry the career, family, organisation or leadership role you are trying to build.

And Sometimes Feeling Lost Means You Need Help

Not every period of uncertainty is a mental health problem.

But persistent hopelessness, severe anxiety, isolation, loss of interest, inability to function or thoughts of self-harm should not simply be dismissed as “a normal part of your twenties.”

The WHO European Region reports that mental health conditions affect a significant share of the population, while young people face particular vulnerabilities. WHO also identifies social connection as an important contributor to health and wellbeing. (World Health Organization)

If uncertainty has become persistent psychological distress, speak with a qualified professional.

You do not have to solve everything alone.

What Young People Can Do When They Feel Lost

Start with five things.

1. Stop comparing timelines

Someone else’s progress is not your schedule.

2. Choose a direction, not a permanent identity

You can change your mind later.

3. Build useful skills

Skills create options.

4. Create real experiences

Experience often produces clarity faster than endless thinking.

5. Review your life regularly

Ask yourself every few months:

What am I learning?

What am I becoming better at?

What is no longer working?

What should I stop?

What should I start?

What should I continue?

This turns your twenties into a period of deliberate development rather than passive waiting.

A Better Way to Think About Your Twenties

Perhaps your twenties should not be viewed as the decade in which you are supposed to have everything figured out.

Perhaps they should be viewed as a period in which you build the capacity to figure things out.

There is a difference.

The first creates pressure.

The second creates responsibility.

You are allowed to change careers.

You are allowed to reconsider your goals.

You are allowed to start again.

You are allowed to take longer than expected.

But you are not allowed to abandon your development simply because clarity has not arrived yet.

Keep moving.

Keep learning.

Keep testing.

Keep reflecting.

Keep building.

Final Thoughts

Many young people feel lost in their twenties because they are standing between two worlds.

The expectations of childhood are still present.

The responsibilities of adulthood are already arriving.

The economy is uncertain.

Career paths are changing.

Social media constantly displays other people’s progress.

And society keeps asking a question that sounds simple but is actually enormous:

“What are you going to do with your life?”

You do not need to have the complete answer today.

But you do need to take responsibility for finding your direction.

Do not spend your twenties trying to look like you have everything figured out.

Use them to become someone who can navigate uncertainty.

Learn how you work.

Learn what you value.

Learn what you are good at.

Learn what the world needs.

Learn how to make decisions.

Learn how to recover when those decisions are wrong.

And keep moving.

You are not necessarily behind. You may simply be in the part of life where the path is still being built.

At YTOP Global, we believe youth development should not pressure young people to have perfect answers. It should equip them with the skills, exposure, networks and confidence to ask better questions, make informed decisions and build meaningful lives.

If you know someone in their twenties who feels like everyone else has figured life out except them, send them this article.

Then tell us:

What do you wish someone had told you about your twenties before you entered them?

Follow YTOP Global for more evidence-informed conversations on youth development, careers, leadership and the realities of growing into adulthood.